|cunt. you know i always loved you the most. (sodomy) wrote,|
@ 2008-05-01 09:51:00
|Current location:||i think i was semi drunk typing this so excuse the typing|
i actually wrote part one tuesday but never posted it.
PART ONE: “I woke up and there was no milk.”
Walking down uptown, Amsterdam. New York City and the smell of coffee passes like glances. I overhear a man say that (the milk thing) and decide to steal his words because they sound like the most perfect sentence ever said. Wonder if people say beautiful words like that and they’re so bathed in their pretenses that they miss it. Like the way the sky was my favorite color when we exited the underground tunnel. Neon, bright - as dusk grew darker! An everyone on the train seemed to be somewhere else as I stared at the color of the sky!
I had to walk to Amsterdam to kill time. And time died slowly. My card was blocked and I had to wait for the fraud specialisit to lift the block on my card. No money, left my metrocard at home. Spent a lot of hours last night buying shit online. Came across an English site and the bank thought someone in London jacked my card and was spending my electronic cash. Anyway, all that meant was that I was blocked from using my card and had just walked around the upper west side for a short time before hitting the 72nd street station to buy a card and go home. Only two hours of sleep and the difference between working with people you like and don’t does a number on your vigor. Day six was good. Today, today was …
Today was the day I decided to warn everyone and suggest to people you never work or drink from Starbucks ever. A casual friend of mine is also a shift at Starbucks. Anyway, he’s awful, mean, embittered but honest and sort of kind if he sees something of merit in someone. He and I worked the espresso bar together that morning. Dirty water pisses into two shot glasses and our conversations are always funny. His brother’s name /age is also my own. Our personalities match and I think that sort of acceralted it. He does fucking disgusting things, despite being overpaid, he does really gross things with/to food. There are these sets of rags: the rags to clean the steam wands and the rags to clean the bar area. Steam wand rags are essentially supposed to be the cleanest set of rags. Now. This guy (who also sounds a lot like sponge bob when he speaks/laughs and sort of looks like him and now that I think about it, is the human equivilent of him) takes a filthy bar rag (not the steam wand rag, the one that cleans around the bar, the stains, the drips of syrup, dirt, espresso) and he made a cap. Things with caps is that if you have a lot of foam sometimes, if you don’t tap the bottom of the cup with your fingers, the air is still in there and the lid applies pressure and the foam rises up from the sip lid hole. NOW, with a cap, you want all that foam, that’s the way it’s supposed to be. Fluffy. So don’t be an asshole and ask why your cap’s have so much foam, just go to dunkin doughnuts if any of you are that turd, but anyway – he doesn’t want to change the lid because when the foam is stuck to the lid from the suction. So he grabs that dirty rag and cleans the MOUTHPIECE OF THE SIP LID WITH IT. And he’s like, blah blah don’t want to loose the foam. And I’m cracking up and in awe and he’s like oh, well, glad it’s not my drink hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
… and that just made my day.
((Summer Plans Include: maybe being in a band again, breathing more, saving, sending my writing out to magazines, starting a photosite, staying focused in my summer classes, working a lot less, staying clean, and ….
DENNIS CAME BACK FROM THE MASSCHUTES … or was it New Hamphsure?
I knew it because I got a phone call from a blocked number and it started my kick for a certain band all over again. But he’s the only person I know who would let lyrics explain how he feels because I’m the same. A few days later, he texts me and tells me he didn’t last a week there. And I proposed a writing project about our lives and ourselves just when he was about to go. We spoke about doing it online together but maybe there was the residual fear of our feelings toward each other. But, it falls together. He mentioned wanting to do it for real to me. But it does fall together. Not so much in places, as in pieces. But the ones that are easier to gather …. Amazing mosaic. ))
PART TWO: WET MOUTHS, DRY DICKS
I went out last night. My best friend is finding himself. Prior to finally understanding this. Blake comes over. We make out. We stop. He does his German homework. I have a three hour conversation with Pavlina about how I don’t find it fair that I have to pay 4000 dollars to move in and her and her friend only pay 800 bucks each. Understand they don’t have jobs. So if you want an apartment but you don’t have a job you need a gaurentuer. I have a job so I never went into it thinking I would need one. Now that they both got gaurentuers, they want me to put in both a security deposit (2600) and one month’s rent (1100). And since their gaurentuers, quote unquote, want to see if I can make the money, they want me to pay the security deposit which makes sense because if I left, they would keep two months rent from me, well it would 2 and half month’s rent from me, kind of. But then Pavlina wants me to also but in a month’s rent? Because then she’s like … so why did I put in 1900? Well, obviously, because you chose to move in with out a job with a friend who doesn’t have one either, you’re both the reason why we can’t combine income and do this the normal regular adult way. And you also chose to move in with someone who can only put 700 a month. And I don’t get why she can’t handle paying 1900 while I put in 2600 to show I can put two months down and then after 12 months I don’t mind giving her 850 back to her. Because guess what. To put up a wall is 1000 and I said I’d help with that. I have my own space, I can be like fuck you all. I’m closing my door, I don’t need the wall bye, so me offering is something not everyone will do. And she’s like why is paying 1300 extra a big deal for you, use your inheritence isn’t that what you’re using to pay the rent? And I’m like no. Because that’s just whatever it is, cushion shit that I’m not using to support two jersey hipster bimbos for 12 months. I make enough for rent, utilities and maybe a meal. That’s what I was planning to tap into because I figure I might have to if they don’t have jobs, to spot for food once in a while, in case something happens and I’m legally bond to still pay rent. Then she’s like well how am I going to have a good paying job, I didn’t finish school, etc etc real life questions one should consider before deciding they’re ready to move into new york city. Honestly, it isn’t my problem. She can go to school if it’s that big a deal. She can find a job. I’m not paying 4 grand because I’m the smart, and grounded one. I’m not paying for someone else’s mistake. Especially when I feel as if I’m being taken advantage of – who else would pay that much money (sure I get half back in 12 months but 12 months without half of that is scary to me) in the world? You know, especially when they can get a lot better.
…………Holy shit. Anyway. I went to High Voltage at the Annex around 1am. There were drugs everywhere and I guess since I was sober so late, I’ve never noticed it. It was like. I was pissing and there was snorting. I was sitting with “friends” and there was snorting. I was talking to someone outside and he had coke nose. Everywhere. Then a series of trivial. I ran away with my best friend and two guys who simulatiously try to sleep with me followed us into a diner. So we were sitting at the table and they both kept text messaging me while we were all sitting ... stupid shit and in the meanwhile, I just kept texting my best bud - like. FUCKING. HELP ME. And he looks really bored, even in pictures. So. I’ve known him since 1st grade. Our best friend killed himself. When the three of us started hanging out a lot, that’s around the time he did it, a little before Christmas. I taught him bass. Etc. In any event …
Uh. He called some kid to come over and meet us at my place at 6am. They slept on my floor and let’s be real. The sounds of a wet mouth and a dry dick, friction and the bases beneath sheets are the sounds of my teenage years. I am king subtle sex. I have always lived at home with thin walls, I have always tried to be careful about noises levels. Now, he’s trying to be considerate because it’s my place and he hasn’t come completely out to me. But I just wanted to fucking hank them. Because it was about 7am and I just couldn’t sleep. I wanted someone to cum and I wanted to sleep and I was aggiated and subtle bases under the sheets is like sewing or pottery or something really delicate and messy which just takes a sense of urgent articulate slowness but it died down, my alarm sounded like a bomb and it woke us up, we all groaned simultaneously, they were very beautiful wrapped up the way they were. I wanted to roll over and take a shot but I didn’t want to exploit him because I know its steps but maybe it would have been the most perfect picture. But I just couldn’t make myself take it, you know?